The Ax forgets, The Tree remembers
In this newsletter, I discuss how the past can AND does shape us, and our power in catapulting change. To either repeat the cycle or start one anew.
“The roots of the tree are as deep and as tall, as you see above ground.”
“Forgetting is the true death.” - Dr. Koko Zauditu Selassie, In Our Mothers Gardens
I’ve started to realize the true weight of these statements as I continue to ponder on them. They come from a now-deleted Netflix documentary titled “In Our Mother’s Garden”. After losing my mother, I had to be intentional and very selective about the type of guidance I received and even sought after. I had to learn to see and hear things almost multi-dimensionally, from movies, documentaries, to books and even interviews. Even allowing things that weren’t directed to me to resonate and spark new avenues of thought had profound effects on my personal growth as a person, writer, and hooper.
If you’re familiar with sports, I’d assume you get the gist of what “next man up” means. If you really know wassam, you know talent and all that other shit pales in comparison to health, chemistry, and sacrifices. In my case, my mother was the first of my grandparents’ children with one brother and sister, and my only brother has been incarcerated since I was 11 (I’m 27 now). For a long time, I was so angry with not only my brother and mother but my whole family! There are ways I’ve superseded my brother, be it intellectually or whatever the case; and my mother being the guiding light that she was, losing her so abruptly definitely changed me forever. I didn’t care to express, connect, or empathize because I haven’t [and still barely have] been granted that space to do so. And as crazy as it may sound, I’m the one holding myself back from the connection I so desperately have been craving.
My uncle lost his oldest sister. My dad lost the mother to his only child. My aunt lost her only sister. You’d be crazy to think that they would ask me something pertaining to the void of her not being here every once and again huh? Would I be? Don’t answer that lol. As much as I can go on and on, I just don’t have it in me to hold on this shit anymore. I can’t make the ax remember anymore than I can make the tree forget. And that’s ok. What I can do, is decide for myself what it is I’m going to be and represent. And that’s FLY EASY! The things that weigh us down actually lift me. As I forgive, as I release, I also accept. I surrender, I sacrifice, I transform.
“I answer to my elders, to the memory of my elders and what they experienced, and to the coming generations and the people of my own time. It’s always about educating people so they’ll understand what happened and try to do something in the modern time that means justice, no matter how big or small.”
-Suzan Shown Marjo, Essential Native Wisdom (2017)
“And while we can never forget the devastation of what we have endured in the past— just like we will not forget blankets, rugs, and baskets with us no matter where we go— we will weave beauty into our environments with new patterns to create new designs for our people as we’ve been taught to do so.”
-Deb Haaland, Essential Native Wisdom (2019)